Prepare your anus, you’re about to get a red pill suppository.

Allahu Snack Bar: The Quickening

Allahu Snack Bar: The Quickening

“The Obama administration [suggested] that Americans must learn to live with the terrorist threat and that, on the basis of statistics, Americans are more in danger from their own bathtubs than from Islamist terrorists… [But] bathtubs do not plot to overthrow the American way of life. The Islamists do.”-Ayaan Hirsi Ali

“A man can have sexual pleasure from a child as young as a baby. However, he should not penetrate. If he penetrates and the child is harmed then he should be responsible for her subsistence all her life. This girl, however would not count as one of his four permanent wives. The man will not be eligible to marry the girl’s sister.”-Ayatollah Khomeini in Tahrirolvasyleh, Fourth Edition

I was wicked and godless before all this shit began. When it arrived, it should have been like coming home. I was already lost and now finally the world started to synchronize with me, off the worn path, in the wilderness. I don’t know what the fuck I was expecting; stillborn salvation on the wings of a plague would bring me no closer to the indeterminate center of—what? But as the crop of sickness flowered I remained lost in the wilderness.

The meek, downtrodden, and forgotten who glided through the cracks, moving through the endless stream of humanity without friction, invisible and not on the conference call, they could see it before it began. One day there was an absence, these men and women I had been observing from my window had vanished. There was a faint acrid odor in the air. No, that’s not quite it. I could feel something subliminally, something vaguely foul floating largely undetected. I wasn’t saved—not like the meek. And I didn’t deserve to be. Walking the floor, pacing, my feet the rhythm to oblivion, they were off to inherit their world, and the streets were about to be bathed in blood. There is no greater glory than to have one’s legs blown off in service of a dead government.

There was once another people here, but they long ago lost their faith and their freedom. They are gone now, replaced by a more fecund but far less curious set of believers. The believers all bow in submission, on their knees, bovine docility the endgame of a long-extinguished creed, something called “Diversity.” There are legends, whispered in the dead of night, of the Pale Man who once walked on the moon. They look up to the sky over the firelight in wonder, the moon low in the sky, almost close enough to grab. The reverie is interrupted, finally, as the day’s final call to prayer floats over a pocked and ruined landscape.

(End Scene)

Every time there’s another terrorist attack, another shouting of Allahu Akbar after a bomb detonates or a car is rammed into a crowd of people, Islamists everywhere get the kind of thrill up their leg usually only experienced by Chris Wallace when he hears Obama speak. This sensation is analogous to The Quickening—another step closer to The Prize, of which, recall from Highlander, there can be only one winner. Beheading another Immortal causes The Quickening, which is “like the receiving of a sacrament or a massive orgasm.” I would imagine the ISIS-types get the same sensation of The Quickening while slicing an infidel’s head off with a scimitar, a variant of la petite mort (French for “little death,” often synonymous with or used as a euphemism for orgasm).

La petite mort. From “The Boat on the Serchio” by Percy Shelley:

The Serchio, twisting forth

Between the marble barriers which it clove

At Ripafratta, leads through the dread chasm

The wave that died the death which lovers love,

Living in what it sought; as if this spasm

Had not yet past, the toppling mountains cling,

But the clear stream in full enthusiasm

Pours itself on the plain, until wandering,

Down one clear path of effluence crystalline

Sends its clear waves, that they may fling

At Arno’s feet tribute of corn and wine;

Then, through the pestilential deserts wild

Of tangled marsh and woods of stunted fir,

It rushes to the ocean.

As William Shakespeare writes in Romeo and Juliet: “These violent delights have violent ends / And in their triumph die, like fire and powder, / Which as they kiss consume.” I think here of the ecstatic self-immolation of the Islamists, promised the caresses of seventy-two virgins in paradise in service of the jihad. These violent delights explode in glory, an eruption, a climax, death the last great orgasm, dying from sword and from kiss just like Romeo and Juliet. I believe the following quote by Sam Harris to be especially illuminating:

Islam marries religious ecstasy, sectarian hatred, and a triumphalist expectation of world conquest in a way that other religions do not. Secular liberals who worry more about “Islamophobia” than about the actual doctrine of Islam are guilty of a failure of empathy. They fail not just with respect to the experience of millions of less committed Muslims who are treated like slaves and criminals by this religion, but with respect to the inner lives of its true believers. Most secular people cannot begin to imagine what a (truly) devout Muslim feels. They are blind to the range of experiences that would cause an otherwise intelligent and psychologically healthy person to say, “I will happily die for this.” Unless you have tasted religious ecstasy, you cannot understand the danger of its being pointed in the wrong direction.[1]

When Shakespeare has King Lear declare: “I will die bravely, like a smug bridegroom. What! I will be jovial,” Nick Buchanan helpfully clarifies:

·       Die: Is probably intended in the conventional sense, as in cease to live, but it can also mean achieve orgasm—thus the bridegroom allusion.

·       Bravely: Means in fine fashion, finely. The Fool used brave in this same way when earlier he says, “This is a brave night to cool a courtesan” (Act 3, Scene 2, Line 79). Of course, “bravely” can also simply mean “courageously.”

·       Bridegroom: This sentence might be informed by the fact that Sir Charles Danvers who was executed in 1600 for this part in the Essex Rebellion, was reported to have remained cheerful unto death; reportedly more “like a bridegroom than a prisoner appointed for death.”

·       Jovial: Means cheerful, majestic—like Jove—(ie-beyond hurt).[2]

I explode - I wake up in Paradise - My thousand-year orgasm.

(End Scene)

The Muslim world is an intellectually closed one. Roughly the same number of books are translated within the country of Spain annually as have been translated into Arabic in the last 1,200 years. That is a rather incurious society. CARM.org has recently re-published some very troubling statistics, finding that 58% of American Muslims do not believe the First Amendment protects criticism of Islam, and 62% of British Muslims do not believe in free speech (only an extremely disconcerting 3% of Muslims are “consistently pro-freedom of speech”). 62% of Canadian Muslims want sharia in the country, and almost half of Danish Muslims feel this way.

According to a 2017 Pew Research Poll, almost one-third of U.S. Muslims believe Islam and democracy are incompatible, and over one third believe that ISIS holds the correct set of religious beliefs. Here are some more “fun findings” from Pew’s recent polling efforts; I believe these examples show in stark detail the kind of closed intellectual and ideologically rigid environment Islam produces. All findings are broken down by country.

The percentage of Muslims who say sharia is the literal revealed word of Allah:

·       Russia: 56%

·       Pakistan: 81%

·       Afghanistan: 73%

·       Indonesia: 54%

·       Jordan: 81%

·       Kyrgyzstan: 69%

The percentage of Muslims who believe in only one interpretation of the Koran:

·       Russia: 56%

·       Bosnia and Herzegovina: 56%

·       Afghanistan: 67%

·       Tajikistan: 70%

·       Lebanon: 59%

·       Azerbaijan: 65%

The percentage of Muslims who believe stoning is an appropriate punishment for adultery:

·       Palestine: 84%

·       Egypt: 81%

·       Afghanistan: 85%

·       Pakistan: 89%

·       Malaysia: 60%

·       Jordan: 67%

The percentage of Muslims who believe suicide bombing can be justified:

·       Palestine: 40%

·       Egypt: 29%

·       Afghanistan: 39%

·       Bangladesh: 26%

·       Malaysia: 18%

·       Turkey: 15%

The percentage of Muslims who believe sharia should be imposed as the law of the land:

·       Afghanistan: 99%

·       Iraq: 91%

·       Niger: 86%

·       Morocco: 83%

·       Djibouti: 82%

·       Thailand: 77%

·       The Democratic Republic of the Congo: 74%

·       Russia: 42%

The percentage of Muslims who believe death should be the punishment for leaving Islam (apostasy laws):

·       Egypt: 86%

·       Jordan: 82%

·       Malaysia: 62%

·       Afghanistan: 79%

·       Pakistan: 76%

·       Palestine: 66%

The percentage of Muslims who believe homosexuality is morally wrong:

·       Lebanon: 97%

·       Tunisia: 91%

·       Kenya: 96%

·       Chad: 92%

·       Albania: 83%

·       Turkey: 85%

·       Kazakhstan: 92%

·       Mali: 91%

The percentage of Muslims who say a wife must always obey her husband:

·       Tajikistan: 89%

·       Uzbekistan: 84%

·       Indonesia: 93%

·       Bangladesh: 88%

·       Tunisia: 93%

·       Morocco: 92%

The percentage of Muslims who only associate with other Muslims:

·       Tunisia: 100%

·       Azerbaijan: 99%

·       Tajikistan: 99%

·       Bosnia and Herzegovina: 93%

·       Kosovo: 93%

·       Bangladesh: 97%

·       Thailand: 96%

The percentage of Muslims who say their lives are a reflection of the Prophet Muhammad’s:

·       Russia: 58%

·       Turkey: 76%

·       Afghanistan: 97%

·       Pakistan: 87%

·       Iraq: 82%

·       Morocco: 81%

The percentage of Muslims who believe there is a fundamental conflict between Islam and the modern world:

·       Chad: 59%

·       Bangladesh: 55%

·       Kenya: 54%

·       Tunisia: 50%

·       Cameroon: 47%

·       Tanzania: 47%

·       Ethiopia: 44%

The percentage of Muslims who believe there is a fundamental conflict between Islam and science:

·       Albania: 57%

·       Lebanon: 53%

·       Bangladesh: 45%

·       Tunisia: 42%

·       Turkey: 40%

·       Kyrgyzstan: 38%

(End Scene)

“Okay, so Islam has some troubling viewpoints but the Bible says…” For students of philosophy or those somewhat well-versed in debate techniques and logical fallacies, this would be called a “red herring.” In the hadith, Muhammad states that the punishment for homosexuality shall be the same as the punishment for adultery, which is to say, execution by stoning. The Koran ruminates on the destruction of Lot, precipitated, in part, by homosexual carnality. Homosexuality is illegal in the following countries on the basis of sharia jurisprudence: Algeria, Bangladesh, the Maldives, Malaysia, Pakistan, Qatar (where they are currently building a stadium for the World Cup using slave labor), Somalia, Syria, and (men only) Kuwait, Turkmenistan, and Uzbekistan. Beyond simply being outlawed, homosexuality is punishable by death in the following countries: Afghanistan, Brunei, Iran, Iraq, Mauritania, Palestine, Saudi Arabia, Sudan, the United Arab Emirates, and Yemen. State-sanctioned anti-homosexuality is also found, in varying degrees of severity, in sub-national states like Chechnya, South Sumatra, Aceh, and northern Nigeria. There are also tensions with the massive Muslim minority in India. Iran is a very strange case in that they sanction individuals becoming transgendered so that they may avoid the death penalty and enter into “heterosexual relationships.” Maybe the tacit transgendered support is why Barack Obama felt so generous with Iran in their nuclear deal? Pakistani clerics, however, have issued a fatwa on the transgendered community.

It is disingenuous and entirely unproductive to try and establish a moral equivalence between Christianity and Islam. In Islam, as I’ve stated before, the Koran and the teachings of Muhammad are the literal word of Allah, and as such, cannot be altered for they are divine in origin. Christians generally hold that the Bible is divinely inspired (God does speak in the Bible, often so in the Old Testament, but it only occurs a handful of times in the New Testament), therefore there is much more “wiggle room” as it pertains to separating the violent and “problematic” passages from the rest of the scripture. The New Testament supersedes the Old as Jesus is accepted as the Christ (based on the Greek for “Anointed One”), which is to say the Messiah. Christianity has already had its Reformation, and it also has a secular “trump card” so to speak: “Jesus said, ‘Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s; and to God the things that are God’s’” (Matthew 22:21) and “Jesus answering said unto them, ‘Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.’ And they marveled at him” (Mark 12:17).

Jesus’s life, like Muhammad’s, is meant to provide a template for all who follow them. The differences in their lives, however, could not be more pronounced. I’ll simply provide one example to show, in contrast, their differences, but I’d encourage you to do your own research. Consider: Muhammad married a six-year-old (Aisha, his favorite) and consummated the marriage when she was aged nine; he had as many as fifteen wives and possessed numerous other sex slaves. Jesus, on the other hand, remained celibate and cherished the friendship of women and treated them with decency and as equals (John 4:9, 27) at a time when this was exceedingly uncommon. He and Mary Magdalene were not lovers, and there are non-canonical indications, such as in the Gospel of Philip, that Jesus loved her in a purely platonic but deeply spiritual way; he may have even loved her more than the Disciples. Non-halal food for thought.

(Roll Credits)



[1] https://www.samharris.org/blog/item/islam-and-the-misuses-of-ecstasy

[2] Nick Buchanan, What Happens in Shakespeare's King Lear. Lulu Com, 2013, p. 362.

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